Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize