Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
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