I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
