I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
