the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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