Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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