she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
