What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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