Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
