Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
