I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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