I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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