I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
