Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
