Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
