I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
