Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize