why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't deserve a penis
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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