She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
