i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
