checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
