Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
