I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
