he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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