I'm gonna have a badass scar
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
