I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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