i don't like sucking hair
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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