I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
