ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
