there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize