look no pants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
worst night to have a conscience
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
