Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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