This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
