I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
