No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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