Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
