i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
