What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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