my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
