question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize