i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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