You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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