First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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