This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
