If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
