Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
