I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
