the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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