so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
