Farmville is her only friend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize