textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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