he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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