How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
