i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
