There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
