but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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