Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
