i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You pole danced in your parka.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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