My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
