Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
