My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
