I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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