Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
