We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
